Author: Aamo Lieko

This author has written 139 articles

The Serpent and the Sun

  • Post author:

He loved her like the serpent loves the Sun, longing for warmth that would animate him.

It was like he had barely had any pulse before, now he only wanted to stretch out in front of her, exposing himself to all the nasty elements, the children who would scream “Snake!” and the sons of Adam who would cut his head off for daring to worship the Sun.

And like the Sun she was indeed, infinite was her warmth, endless her indifference. For friendliness costs nothing and she was either too happy or too scared to show any uncertainty. After a while he slithered away and hid among the rocks and hissed his terrifying love songs that made most people recoil in horror.

In some ways it was good, even people pregnant with boredom could finally feel something. Hungry with disappointment he went out onto the fields and in the long grass waited for something special to happen, and soon enough he saw a herd of cows.

He swallowed one of them whole, his jaws wide open, but he was still hungry. He kept eating large animals until he was the size of a house and only a cat the size of a palace could kill him. But he was no longer a danger to anyone, he was tired of eating and made a nest close to the Moon. It would have been an ideal place to guard eggs, and sometimes he dreamt of having offspring he could send out into space to love other stars much warmer and bigger and even more indifferent.

But despite the way he had seen her, she had always loved him, given him life, and even now on the rocky surface of the Moon she was his only comfort. In fact, what he called indifference was only love that did not discriminate between life forms, and the serpent was just as beautiful as the cows and the mice he ate.

He was so big now that he was almost as lonely as the Moon itself and thus one day he said “I am ready to die” and started travelling towards the Sun to see if he could swallow her whole like everything else.

But she was still too big for him, and she welcomed him with open arms. As he plunged into the hot plasma she let out a loud hiss, although of course no one on Earth heard it. This was a private moment.

He smiled mischievously.

Finally they spoke the same language.

Comment. This story is doused in myths. The style reminds me now of some African myths, but the idea of a serpent or some other animal swallowing the Sun must be pretty universal. In addition, there’s some play on perspectives, the differences between how the serpent sees itself, how it imagines everyone else sees it, and how they actually see it. In that respect there are some questions of postmodernism lurking in the background. Maybe it’s better not to lock down the meanings of myths. I like the idea of this Sun as an eternal mystery, a kind of deity, and how indiscriminate love may look like indifference.

Charles Aznavour – For Me… Formidable

  • Post author:

Sometimes I’ve seen Aznavour called the French Morrissey, a comparison that would be an injustice to both of them. Aznavour’s first album came out in 1952 and the last one in 2015 when he was already 90 years old. A lot of his songs deal with love one way or another, and many of the more famous ones are about loss or recalling past happiness, which is probably the reason for the comparison in the first place.

For Me… Formidable, however, is an example of a humorous song in which the music is a part of the joke. It plays on the clichés of love songs but also on the similarities and differences between the French and English language. Both have adjectives formed with -able, though the meaning is often slightly different. As the song begins, we’re led to think that it’s in English, and then it turns out it’s only a few phrases, with -able words functioning as transitions. If you only understand the English lyrics, the song appears to be a tune listing the good qualities of the loved one, the chorus being an emphatic confession of love like the peak of excitement in cinematic musical numbers, the melody ascending from the verse to the chorus.

However, the French text is at the same time affirming and subverting the message. It is still a love song, but one that is poking fun at the English statements. Just before Aznavour sings “Darling I love you, love you, darling I want you,” he’s lamenting that he doesn’t have the eloquence or vocabulary of Shakespeare or Molière, but only has these kinds of words to offer. He only wants to be close to his lover, and as the chorus booms we’re led to think that surely the statement has to be sincere, since he’s sad that these simple words are the best he has. Yet, at the same time it’s the moment when the music is at its most bombastic, as if the whole confession has been turned into a show tune, revealing its artificiality. So according to the song the words in English are actually superficial and cannot do justice to the real feeling. It’s not obvious that French would be any better, but since the music sounds like an American show tune, the song seems to poke fun at the ease with which such words are uttered in American movies.

Moreover, at the end of the song, where the final peak is reached musically, he’s actually wondering why he loves her at all since she mocks him and everything else. The final line “How can I love you?” thus has two meanings: ignoring the French lyrics and just listening to the music, it sounds like it could mean the singer is looking for a way to love her properly. But in reality he’s questioning the love itself. A good example of how the context changes the meaning of a sentence completely. Perhaps if he was more eloquent things could be different, but being in love it seems all words are escaping him. So the ending is yet another reversal of meaning: first the singer has lamented how inadequate these English words are, so superficial, but in the end maybe his love itself is superficial, which would make the statements actually appropriate. It’s the instability of meaning that makes the song brilliant even more than the clever puns when switching between French and English.

Thus the song can have two very different effects. Just listening to the music, it’s fun to dance to it and be swept by the show tune qualities, ecstatic love confessions in which the most bombastic statements suddenly feel sincere because at the height of infatuation all the things that otherwise might sound ridiculous feel very real. But the song also makes me wonder about the relationship of language and the world, and whether we can ever truly express what we feel, and how the gap between words and meanings affects everything.

Halauksen jälkeen

  • Post author:

Halauksen jälkeen käsi tarttuu toiseen
kevyesti kuin tilhi lehahtaisi oksaltaan
nousten korkeammalle, pilveksi muuttuen
sataakseen kirkkaina hiutaleina olkapäillemme
aivan kuin koko maisema olisi pyhitetty.
Kuuletko sinäkin siipien musiikin,
kun katson sinua silmiin?
Seisomme hiljaa. Hymyilet.
Avaruus laulaa. Sillä on meidän äänemme,
tähtien valo meissä, ympärillämme
kun suljemme silmämme, avaudumme.

Alun perin ajattelin tämän runon osaksi kokonaisuutta Sormet, sulat kuvaukseksi suhteen alkuvaiheista. En nyt muista, miksi poistin sen. Todennäköisiä syitä, miksi jokin runo ei sovi kokoelmaan:

  1. Olen sanonut saman asian tai käyttänyt samoja kuvia toisessa runossa paremmin
  2. Jälkikäteen runo tuntuu maalailevuudessa tai arkisuudessa liian naiivilta.

Toisen hylkäysperusteen kanssa pitää olla varovainen. Jokainen runo on aina jonkun mielestä naiivi ja yhdentekevä. Kun itse on elänyt vähän eteenpäin ja alkanut ajatella asioita toisin, menneet tekstit helposti tuntuvat itsestäänselvyyksiltä, vaikka ne eivät sellaisia toisille ihmisille olisi. Ja toisaalta tunteen paloa ja herkkyyttä kuvaava teksti saattaa aina vaikuttaa naiivilta ihmisestä, joka ei tunnetta sillä hetkellä koe tai edes muista.

Riski on mielestäni silti otettava. Monien runoilijoiden estetiikkaan kuuluu äärimmäinen pyrkimys minimalismiin ja yksinkertaisiin kuviin. Tyyli suojaa kritiikiltä, joka voisi väittää tekstiä ylitunteelliseksi, harrastelijamaiseksi, lapselliseksi tai kliseiseksi. Silloin kuitenkin vaarana on, että runo jättää liian paljon sen varaan, että lukija tunnistaa tunnetilanteen yksittäisen kuvan perusteella, ja kaikille muille teksti jää tyhjäksi tai korkeintaan tiu’uksi, joka kilahtaa kerran pimeydessä.

Kiinnostavaa runoutta ei synny, jos ei koskaan ota riskiä siitä, että joku pitää sitä yhdentekevänä. Teksti pitää elää, siihen pitää heittäytyä kuin lapsi hyppää laiturilta järveen innoissaan vielä kymmenennelläkin kerralla. Se ei kuitenkaan tarkoita sitä, että runon on oltava omakohtainen. Teksti muodostaa oman totuutensa kirjoitushetkellä, ja silloin kirjoittajakin voi siihen samaistua. Onko sillä jokin pohja arkitodellisuudessa, on nähdäkseni vähämerkityksellistä.

Toivoen huojentuvani

  • Post author:

Toivoen huojentuvani
huojun laivasta kirkkauteen,
kysyn papilta alttaritaulusta.
Miksi heillä on siivet?
“He ovat enkeleitä.”
Miksi tuon miehen pää säteilee?
“Hän on Jeesus. Hän on pyhä.”
Ymmärrän, sanon.
Istun, ja kuin lapsi, joka keksii uusia sanoja
nähdessään polilekkien loistavan
ja miljoona kilkamusta taivaalla,
alan kirjoittaa sinusta,
pyhistä hetkistä, pyhistä hartioista,
olemassaolosi valaistessa minua,
kuiskivista siivistäsi,
kuinka kauniisti lepatat tuulessa
kuin yksinäinen lehti tai voitonviiri,
ja minä tulen olemaan autuas päivieni loppuun
silmiesi heijastuksessa, jos hyväksyt minut.
Näytän paperia papille.
“Ei se näin mene.
On totta, että Jumala on kaikessa kauniissa,
mutta sinä et ihmisenä voi määritellä, mikä on pyhää.”
En enää ymmärrä.
Olinko väkivaltainen yrittäessäni määritellä sinua
tai ainakin ylpeä kuvitellessani sanojeni merkitsevän jotain?
Sanat loppuvat.
Jumala ei tule sen todellisemmaksi,
mutta runous murenee.
Hyvä on, pyhyttä ei ole, tai jos onkin,
se on muiden omima asia, johon meillä ei ole oikeutta,
vaikka ei ehkä heilläkään.
Tarkoitin vain, että minulla on hyvä olla,
jos olet vierelläni. Joko mielikuvitukseni
on liian hyvä tai liian huono kuvitellakseni pyhempää.
Poistuessani heitän loput sanat tuuleen.
Katso, ne lentävät kuin kyyhkyset halki aution maan:
solma, mandilo, veilokka.
Ja kun kiihkeät, käsittämättömät siivet
läpättävät iltataivasta vasten,
pyydän vain, että uskot minuun.
Tässä pimeydessä rakastan sinua.

Uskonto on kiehtova aihe, vaikka en pidä itseäni uskonnollisena, jos ei lasketa sitä, että olen epäileväinen aksioomien olemassaoloa kohtaan ja täten nähdäkseni tiedon perustana on aina uskomuksia esimerkiksi aistien luotettavuudesta tai logiikan universaaliudesta. Tässä, kuten yleensäkin uskontoa käsittelevissä runoissani, tekstin sinä ei ole lukittu tiettyyn tulkintaan, jolloin lukijan oma maailmankuva ohjaa sitä, kenestä arvellaan olevan kyse.

Konsultti puhuu

  • Post author:

Konsultti puhuu luovasta hulluudesta,
istun kuin murrettu leipä auringossa,
murusiani lentää ympäri konferenssihuonetta,
sylki roiskuu, pimeys roiskuu kahvikuppeihin,
pedot kirkuvat pehmeissä tuoleissaan,
viidakko kasvaa sormistani,
epäluulon liaanit levittäytyvät pöydälle,
tarttuvat osallistujia kurkusta,
puristavat, puristavat,
kasvot räjähtävät, halkeavat kuin piñatat,
käsi puristaa pöydänreunaa
varmistuakseen sen todellisuudesta,
tai itsensä,
lasi särkyy, kuuluu huuto:
“viillä mua”,
loisteputki räpsyy ennen kuin sammuu.
Lämpimästi tervetuloa pimeyteen.
Tervetuloa innovoimaan.

Kommentti. Aivotutkimuksessa on havaittu, että yhteys luovuuden ja tietynlaisten mielenterveysongelmien välillä ei ole täysin satunnainen. Esimerkkinä tästä on luovuuteen olennaisesti liittyvä assosiointi sekä skitsofrenia, ja ilmeisesti ei ole tavatonta, että skitsofreniaan sairastuneen perheessä on tavallista luovempia sisaruksia. Myös kaksisuuntaisen mielialahäiriön maniavaiheessa, mikäli se ei ole vakava, luovuutta voi esiintyä.

Kuitenkin se, mitä ajatellaan luovuudeksi, vaatii myös ajatusten ja assosiaatioiden hallintaa, ja mielenterveysongelmat ovat yleensä sellaisia, että ajatuksia, tunteita ja assosiaatioita on paremminkin vaikea hallita. Poikkeukselliseen lopputulokseen tarvitaan myös analyyttisyyttä, tietoisuutta muista oman alan saavutuksista sekä, esimerkiksi kirjallisuudessa, käsitys tehokeinoista, joilla tietty vaikutus saadaan aikaan. Joskus tämä käsitys voi olla intuitiivinen, mutta vaatii joka tapauksessa ympärilleen sellaista ajatustilaa, että syvällä ongelmissaan oleva ei sitä löydä.

Konsulttipuhetta hulluuden ja luovuuden liitosta voi siis vastustaa sillä perusteella, että vaikka tietyntyyppiset ongelmat voivat lisätä luovuutta, suurin osa niistä enemmänkin lamauttaa ajattelua. Enemmän kuitenkin vastustan ajatusta siksi, että luovasta hulluudesta puhuminen trivialisoi mielenterveysongelmat muuttaessaan hulluuden markkinoitavaksi voimavaraksi. Useammin asialla tarkoitetaan jotain aivan muuta: avoimuutta kokemuksille ja ihmisille, odottamattomia ongelmanratkaisutaitoja, jossain määrin myös sitä assosiointia.

Hulluudesta puhumisella on konsulttikielessä tietysti jokin tarkoitus. Luultavasti sana herättää tunteita ja on aluksi säpsäyttänyt kuulijoita hereille, herättäen mielikuvia jostain kiehtovasta ja vähän vaarallisestakin, joka toisi yrityskulttuuriin mukaan jotain kaavojen ulkopuolista. Samalla kuitenkin sivuutetaan todellisiin ongelmiin liittyvä kärsimys samaan tapaan kuin silloin, kun arkikielessä puhutaan metsän tai laulun raiskaamisesta. Nykyään koko sanapari “luova hulluus” on jo niin kliseinen, että edes sitä säpsähdystä ei enää tule.

Under the bell

  • Post author:

I cannot remember exactly when I decided to live under the bell.

It is dark here but the absence of light encourages me to seek images of my own instead of those of others. It is also very comforting. I burn candles in the evenings even though fresh air should be more valuable. When I blow them out I see my beloved in the traces of light left in my eyes.

Sometimes I light the candles and blow them out several times in a row.

At night I listen to symphonies and look at the stars that my mind has created inside the bell. She is among them too, wearing a blue top and black jeans. Her smile is very soft, like a cucumber, and she gets little dimples on her cheeks.

My family does not know I live here now. They would not understand, they would say that the silence has driven me mad. The walls of my home are made of iron and when I bang my fists against the bell I hear a hollow sound that resonates with my soul. Or maybe no sound is actually produced and all I hear is the echoes of my mind. It is sometimes difficult to tell what is real here.

I can feel that the grass has withered and when I have flowers delivered they never thrive for long in the darkness. It does not matter, I broke my vase anyway.

There is a railway track not far from here but there are no stations nearby. However, people who have not told the conductor where they wish to alight are often dropped here. They really should make up their minds before boarding the train, it is not like there are many spare bells lying around.

I have drawn dozens of pictures of my beloved but they all disappear when exposed to light, perhaps they are a bit shy like me. It really is a wonderful world, often I wish that we all could live under a bell, although not necessarily the same one.

Then again, maybe there already is a much bigger bell outside mine, one that includes all the other people, the elephants and the cucumbers. From there she is smiling to me, her lips like petals, her eyes like an afternoon shower.

She must have her own bell somewhere. Do you think that if I strike my bell hard enough she will hear, that her bell will resonate? But I am scared of breaking my bell. Where would I live if not here?

Comment: a somewhat disturbing image of isolation, detachment, and the inability to connect with people. In A Beastly Comedy Canto 1.23 I used a similar image as a form of punishment for revolutionary leaders become tyrants. The time between writing the two passages was probably around 5 years. Looking at them now, maybe this complements the canto, as here the perspective is from the inside, telling something about the psychological condition, and raising the question whether all people are similar. Personally I have no answer. This is not how I experience the world, and yet the metaphor is recognizable as a feeling of loneliness so deep it seems to be a deep human condition.

At most I can say that people have a tendency to see other people’s minds as similar to their own, so if you feel detached and isolated under a bell, you might think that others are the same, doubly beyond reach, even if there’s no evidence for it, just your own story of who you are and the assumption that if you can’t help yourself, no-one else is capable of reaching out either.

Napoleon XIV – Let’s Cuddle Up in My Security Blanket

  • Post author:

Napoleon XIV is really only known for his 1966 novelty hit They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa! An album with the same name followed, filled with songs about mental health issues. The style of the songs is quirky, which makes them somewhat humorous despite the serious topics. The approach is unusual. I remember hearing the hit song as a child and thought it was funny, but as an adult who knows about the suffering people go through, it is difficult to hear the comedic aspect; the artificial strangeness becomes reminiscent of how someone with deep-seated issues sounds unusual when they try to put on a happy face. It is not the same, of course, when done for comic effect, but an adult recognizes that the issues are real, and it’s hard to laugh knowing it.

Let’s Cuddle Up in My Security Blanket is one of the songs that sounds almost normal. It is a plead to stay together even for a moment, hiding from the world. The song is fascinating because if the presence of a security blanket wasn’t mentioned, this could be an ordinary love song. A baby may need a comfort object to fall asleep, but an adult singing about it reveals neuroticism and an obsession. And yet despite the security blanket the song is all about the longing to be loved, to feel safe in a world that seems hostile.

Thus the security blanket in the song sticks out like a sore thumb. It is the only strange aspect of the lyric, and yet it changes the meaning completely. Since the addition of only one element can make the song appear to be about insecurity and obsession, what does that tell about how we perceive love in general? Especially in the early stages of a relationship the feeling may be exactly the same, only the blanket under which the lovers cuddle up is not thought of as a comfort object. Instead, the lovers treat each other as comfort objects, while still wrapped up in a blanket.

There’s also this feeling of camaraderie: “Why should we care if others conform?”. It is mostly an illusion. Just like everyone is from their own viewpoint basically a good person, or at least sees their actions justified, and evil is always somewhere else, conformity is mostly seen to exist outside of ourselves. We are merely individuals forming a secret society of two lovers. We are different, therefore we must be together. Just like every other couple that exists.

This instability in the lyrics is what raises it above ordinary love songs. You’re forced to wonder where the line is drawn between healthy and unhealthy behaviour, since anyone can recognize the yearning for safety, and the presence of the blanket seems like such a small thing compared to that very human need of intimacy and love.

The song itself doesn’t necessarily imply that it’s about romantic love. When I had a cat and she’d meow for some mysterious reason, I sometimes sang to her the opening line “What’s wrong my pet, you seem so upset, tell me what’s bothering you”. And it does fit the song to think of the “pet” label to be literal. The song is about such a basic need that it goes beyond romantic love. It is also love for pets, or love in parenthood.

Yet it is mostly in the context of a new relationship that adults are allowed to indulge in such primal longing. And why state “are allowed” in the passive? Because there usually isn’t anyone saying that it is not allowed, only ourselves, after having grown into a conception of what adults must not do, not feel. And the question the song poses about whether one should conform could be just about that: the beginning of a relationship is a moment when one can see through the need to be an adult. Conformity may simply be the ideas we grow into when trying to define ourselves as adults by ignoring some longing or a need. And in that sense it is indeed significant to ask why we should care about what other people think about our adulthood. Let’s just be safe, snuggle up so cozy and warm. Whether a blanket is deemed necessary or not.

Maa kiertää tähteään

  • Post author:

Maa kiertää tähteään, tähti galaksiaan
kuin huomaamatta, lehti puhkeaa esiin,
hengittää hetken, irtoaa oksastaan,
kohoaa, laskeutuu tuulen mukana,
tarttuu raitiovaunun kylkeen,
sisällä ihminen istuu
kyljet ja housut jäykkänä,
haistaa kahvin pöllähdyksen läheltä,
kasvot ponnistautuvat hymyyn
ja odotukseen iltaa kohti,
kun ikkunasta näkyy ilmeinen
maan kierto itsensä ympäri
ja lakanoiden lämmössä
tuntuu toinen iho,
hämmästys, kiihkeimpänä hetkenä
olemme aivan paikallamme,
vain käsi liikkuu, lantio
ja miljardit tähdet
ympäri tunnetun universumin.